Amber Lyrics. ------------- "What You Make It" All lyrics by Mark West (C)MJW 2000 ----------------------------------- Unbecoming. October 1998 I sometimes think that I should be much, more than I've become. I've changed my mind by looking at my, soul for too long. Too much time I've spent, analyse my feelings so that I've got, insecure, and I'm, never sure what people mean to me or me to them, I've become a more thoughtful, but a less communicative man. If we go back right now, without having this night, I fear that we'd drift so far that I, I wouldn't feel like I know you any more... We need to do this. I often feel that I should be much, more than I am now. I'm still the same person, just deeper inside now. Too much time I've spent, analyse my feelings so that I've got, insecure, and I'm, never sure what people mean to me or me to them. There's so much I want to discuss, me, you, your house, my friends. If we went back right now, without having this night, I feel that we'll drift so far that I, I wouldn't feel that I know you any more... We need to do this. So let's have a quiet night, talking and we'll smile, and we'll know why we were friends right from the start. We'll know each other, and you'll keep me in mind for another term and we, we need to do this. Man in a Suit. March 1998 Trapped with a briefcase, and nowhere safe to run. Trapped in suits, well polished boots, entombed within a company car, and I don't even want to think about who'd care if I was dead, another photo of the family cleaned from impure-air, office, open- planning how I'd free myself, vanish into the night, leave the world, escape by plane into another future for me, lives spent working wind away to futures possible, let me float away, escape this gravity's pull. Maybe I just think too hard about where I want to be, but wasting life in a corporate kitsch seems so not what I want for me, and I couldn't even think about who'd care if I was dead, too late then to make a difference, too late then to try achieve something worth- while away my life pursuing money and fast cars, while away my health pursuing deadlines, stress-related illness waste- the summer days in front of monitors and phones. A faceless man that no-one really knows. Often. February 1998 Your face will never be upon my mind so vividly, I need to see it every day, to still believe those perfect eyes. Obviously, the sun, it shines because of the weather, so defined, but often I try to read your thoughts when I can visualise you sleeping. And I'm trying to savour all the time I've got before you leave, 'Fore it's too late for me again, to let you know just what I feel, And "all the songs that I've sung you, more often than you know", will make me miss you even more when I hear them, now I know you have to go. I hear your voice echoing down the hall this early morning, and I think of how your comments make me smile. But everything that I know you'll never know is bouncing round inside my head, and everything that I feel, the urge to hold you, and the thought of your lips, and your face, and all those moments, and I've got to forget now that it was ever going to happen, and accept the change, different still that you leave us all behind, and all the songs that I wrote you, you'll never even know, they make me miss you even more when I sing them, now I know you've had to go. Trying To Listen. January 1998 There's things I've never said to you, but tell me where to start... How can I explain to you the thoughts in my head, when I'm still chasing them through the dark? I sometimes feel that I almost understand, this purpose, meaning, just out of reach of my mind. So tell me is there something wrong? Is this too unreal for you? There's too much of me that I keep from view, there's a reason for me, I'll be no 'man in a suit'. I try to explain what I don't know myself, but I can't make you see, 'cos it's not you that lives it. Don't blame me if I seem I'm just bluffing through, like everything will work out, but that's not always true. I need to know why I believe this, I want you to too. Is there something wrong? I don't ever want to loose it again. Is there something wrong? I'm trying to listen... I'm trying to listen. There's something it's true... I just can't explain it to you. Daydream. Daydream, to fall asleep, with you touching me. All is peace. I feel your feather breath, your hand touches my own. Won't you see? Won't you learn? But tell me something you see, in your dream. Sleep now my love, rest silently, for in the morning we'll wake, and all will be well. Nothing to speak. Nothing to tell. Driving (Say Nothing). May 1998 Sometimes when you look in a mirror, you're so different to what you expect to see. moments like this make you worry, that the person who's driving isn't me. Did you ever think to consider, that "I" isn't physically there? The brain's a place we can live in. The body's just a vehicle we drive. Say nothing. Don't say anything. Say nothing. Don't tell me anything. This is my car, and I'm driving. Daemons lurk behind all the seats. I sometimes catch a glimpse in the rearviewmirror, terrified that they'll one day take control, and I won't be able to stop them from stealing me. So I'm listening to the music, but my sterio's turned down, and I'm listening to the voices, of the demons crackling sounds, and I'm listening to my heartbeat, as I slump over the wheel, and I'm listening to the people as they crawl, as they crawl away from me... ...to nothing. Don't say anything. Tell me nothing. They'd say anything. Screaming something, they can see through the windscreen. Enough Time. Someday soon we'll wonder why, getting this far took so much time, why every opportunity wasn't taken to the full. Careful thought for every move, taking it slow, so I'd be sure. But looking back it's obvious, how much I wanted you. I've had enough time to think it over now. There's no-one I want more than I want you. Your cheek on my cheek, my arms holding you tight. Looking into your eyes, smile in the disco light... But thinking back I should have told you then. Remembering you close to me, our noses touched and I could see, what I thought was gladness mirrored in your deep brown eyes. But things won't work out, they never do. This memory I have of you, is all I have to think of what almost could have been. I've had enough time to think it over now. There's no-one I want more than I want you. Your cheek on my cheek, my arms holding you tight. Looking into your eyes, smile in the disco light... I'll write you this song, and I'll sing it for you here. It could have been so much more, if I could have let you see, that all I lacked were your lips, and the words that meant they would stay, hold you close, hold you close, so you'd never, so you'd never, never go away. Your Help Taken Away. 1997 You can see my lips are moving... but it's something that you don't notice or just don't care at all. Pour out my life as you sit there patiently. Just when I think I've won you over you say something out of place, and then I realise you weren't listening at all. It's OK. You can talk to me. Just don't expect me to listen for free. Strained crackling conversation... tell me is it me or do I sense you've something better to do, almost crying I've got no-one left to turn to need a voice to listen to the thoughts all crowding round my head that voice is you. Just you. It's OK. You can talk to me. It's just something friends do apparently. Italktoyoudon'tlistentomewhenItalktoyoudon'tlistentomewhenItalktoyoudon'tlistentomewhenItalktoyoudon'tlistentome 332. 1999 I want you to be better and I want you to be happy. I want to see the real you, hidden under work and worry. To visit you and not feel like I shouldn't be there, and you're trying to recover and you're trying to be OK, and I am trying to avoid you thinking I am in the way, and you are trying hard to see me, to meet me in the day. We want to find a moment, but a moment's hard to find, and now I know I don't want this to end... But still I hope to see you, worry that your mind is changing as I write these words to say how it is I feel. Too much to think about, should done things bother me? You couldn't be more beautiful, your hair over your knees. Already find me missing you, touching you as we slept. Can't work out why imagining, can make me feel angry. i want to think that I'm special that these things you do for me alone, wonder if I'm wise... You're changing me, and I want to stay for the summer. You're telling me that you'll stay indefinitely. And then I say it to you sometimes. And then you say it back to me. And now I say it to you differently, and you're cast, cast, cast, casting me deep and I, want to believe in what you're saying to me; ...So together, and I miss you when you are not there I want to see you all I can can't seem to sleep in a bed that's half full, never leave me, always stay...... I love you. And everything I've said I hope is true, I love you so much you're so special, I'll do all I can to keep you here with me. I can see, that all I ever wanted from a girl is in you... let me keep you, I'll get it right. Do it right. And no-one succeeded, no-one succeeded to pull the stars from the sky the way you did, listening - Staying with me! Feels real to me yeah... And I have never been so happy, and I have never been so happy, And I have never been so happy, and I have never been so happy, And I have never been so happy, and I have never been so happy, And I have never been so happy, and I have never been so happy. Departure. November 1999 When I think about the old songs that I wrote thinking of summer friends and me. Picnics with the people that I thought I loved to think of what we almost could have been and, we've got the summer days now, but my... mind... is... elsewhere. Don't let me care, don't let me slip, so easy to forget about the times we had the past, the past it means so much to me and, all I want to do is talk with you into the night. Waiting for the time to pass more quickly so that I can see you soon. If I get old I want to be in your arms facing you. Don't mind if I die, if I'll still be with you. How sad you looked alone, as the platform moved away and you were gone. I just wanted to run from the train just to hug you once more, I can't bear to be without you here and, all I want to do is talk with you into the night. Thinking of ways to make time pass as quickly as it can so I can see you soon, see you soon... If I get old I want to be in your arms facing you. Don't care if I die, if I'll still be with you. Collapse. 1995 None of you can realise this I can sense the collapse I don't want things to change I was pleased as things were leave things please as they were, all I need. Now I see what it was, how important so few, I just need to know that you need me here too. This is my life and I don't want it to drift away. Don't change. Don't change. Don't change. You don't realise just how much you are your depression hurts me as it's splits us apart, it saddens me that closeness won't always last. Can you realise this? The breaking alone, how can it be that secrets once known, and words exchanged can come to mean no more. Don't change. Don't change. Don't change. This is my life, and I don't want to let it slip away. I need this. All I have is changing. Once I had it all, I had all I need. But everything has changed, and now the past is just photos on my wall. None of you can realise this I can sense the collapse I don't want things to change I was pleased as things were leave things please as they were, all I need. Now I see what it was, how important so few, I just need to know that you need me here too. This is my life and I don't want it to drift away. Don't change. Don't change. Don't change. The Sound Outside 1996 Dark at night I lay alone my memories turn to summer. Summer sun reflecting off your hair. Hair so loose, and flowing down your back. Back onto the road and walking home. Home quiet and dark, thinking of the day. Daydreaming about the fun we'd have. Have to see you soon.... Soon it's dark. The autumn leaves are falling. Falling more and more in love with you. You seem all I need. Need you more than everything. Everything reminds me of your smile. Smile at me and brighten up my day. Daydream in the night. More To Find. 1993 I'm spending time just sitting at home, 'cos I've got nowhere else to go. I'm too confused to think it through, so I'll wait for an answer to show. I need something to happen soon so I know what's going on. I don't know to be happy or sad, or if anything's actually wrong. I've got more to find.... I wish the phone would, phone would ring soon, I need new thoughts, new thoughts, thoughts to think through, I got more to find, I got more to find. My mind invents the ends of stories, innocent ideas. Carefree thoughts that could have meanings, twisted into fears. At home - alone - in isolation, waiting for a call. My paranoia breeds in darkness. Or perhaps nothing's wrong at all? I've got more to find.... I wish the phone would, phone would ring soon, I need new thoughts, new thoughts, thoughts to think through, I got more to find, I got more.... But life's just too confusing, nothing's ever clear, we just guess what's going on through what we see and hear, problems never resolve, they later reappear. People always argue, the reason's never clear. Friendships shift and alter, girlfriends come and go, We live life without reason, it's done before we know. Another year could pass us by and still there'd be no change. We'd still be who we are today, but just a different age. There's probably some reason for everything we do, but I'll just sit and wait and watch.... I'd be happy just with you. Away From Here 2000 Feel lost, untied, This place isn't safe, familiar in places, the important left out, I feel stupid to feel tense, It's cold and I want to go home. Sadly, the next day a silence away, Dream of the warmth of a sofa, TV and sofa, It's cold and I want a home to go to. Take me away from here, Take me away from her, Take me away from here, Take me away from here. And it sadens me to say it, And I don't want it to be, But it's the old and the new, And it's coming on through, And you're standing there with your mischevous smile, Smile at me and say you don't believe it's true, Just kiss me now, Don't tell me now, Don't make me wanna stay. Take me away from here, Take me away from her, Take me away from here, Take me away from here.